Thoughts of a Genius
by pinksnow
Summary: Fuji is thinking too much?........ shounen ai, Tezuka x Fuji, spoilers for anime. mild angst.


My second attempt at TezuFuji. Based on anime. Hope you like it! Spoilers for anime.

Disclaimer: PoT, not mine.

* * *

_/ Sometimes I wish you had **flaws**. /_

Did you know that,Tezuka?

One. Two. At least one.

_/ And maybe. Just **maybe**. Maybe then…/_

You would seek me.

Yes, sometimes, I wish you were…..

_/ **Weak**. /_

So I could comfort you.

_/ **Fragile**. /_

So I could hold you.

_/ **Needy**. /_

So I could touch you.

Of course, you are nothing like that. And you never will be.

Ne, Tezuka?

_/ You are **strong**, aren't you/_

You don't need people to support you. I don't think you would want someone to catch you when, no, let me correct myself – If you fall.

You always fight your own battles.

_/ **Without telling** me. /_

Without telling anyone.

_/ And sometimes, I **can't help** but wonder. /_

What is my meaning to your flawless existence?

_/ **Friend**/_

I don't think so.

The people in your world are your parents, relatives, teachers, classmates, teammates, ordinary players, players with potential.

Maa… I don't think there is any room for the word friend.

But Tezuka, do you know?

_/ Everyone** loves** you. /_

Well, there is no reason not to, is there?

To your parents, you are the ideal son. To the teachers you are the ideal student. If you had siblings - I'm sure you would be the ideal brother.  
To the tennis club members, you are our dear buchou, trusted and admired by one and all.

Even Echizen looks up to you, you know that, don't you? Well, more than that, he cares about you.

_/ I care about **you**. /_

Everyone cares for you.

_/ Even **he** has grown fond of you, hasn't he/_

I won't say I've forgiven him, that Atobe Keigo. I know he had a change of heart, but he did play with your future, possibly your career. No. That's not what's bothering me.

_/ He **played** with you. /_

And I don't mean just the tennis, Tezuka. He toyed with you, your arm. It must have hurt, hurt a lot.

I know it did.

Well, you didn't seem to mind.

Demo, I'm just not the forgiving type.

_/ Still, I didn't **avenge** you. /_

Like for Yuuta, and Taka-san, and Fudomine's Tachibana-san.

Strange, is it not? I could have challenged him to a match anytime.

Like when Hyoutei came to play practice matches during our training, at your request of course. He might be the ' Atobe Keigo ', but I do have confidence in my own abilities as well.

Believe me, I could have.

_/ And it's not like I didn't **want** to. /_

Yet, I still held back.

_/ Because I wondered if I had that** right**. / _

The right - To fight, for you.

A me who never plays the way you want me to, a me who never heeds your advice, a me who leaves you dissatisfied with my game, every single time.

A me who is.

_/ So **flawed**. /_

But I have my reasons too you know. Maa… you probably wouldn't understand.

You see I'm just a little bit afraid. If I show you my true tennis, will I become invisible in your eyes?

Tezuka, if I show you my real game, will Fuji Syuusuke…

_/ **Disappear**/_

Fade away?

It'll all be about the game then, won't it? It'll no longer be about you, about me.

_/ About **us**. /_

And I honestly don't want you to stop looking.

_/ At **me**. /_

Yes, me.

So I try my best to keep you guessing. But even I know I'm going to run out of tricks sometime.

Because, you know, Tezuka? I'm….

_/ Not that **strong**. /_

And I want you.

_/ To **hold **me. /_

Need you.

_/ To **comfort** me. /_

You see, I want to stay by your side.

And Tezuka, did you know?

_/ Love is such a strange, **strange** thing. /_

It's not like tennis at all.

Your strength leaves your body, your heart trembles with insecurity, any semblance of peace and sanity you possessed earlier is.

_/ **Taken** away. /_

Yet you can't help but wish for more.

Maa.. at least I can't help but wish for more.

And at times like these, I wonder.

_/ What would **happen**. /_

If I touched my lips to yours.

Saa… What kind of reaction would you show me, Tezuka? Shock? Surprise?

Maybe you'll be disturbed by the fact that another boy is kissing you.

Most probably, you'll just frown, take a deep breath, and tell me to cut it out with these games of mine.

But then.

_/ I wonder, what you would **do**. /_

If I asked you, to love me.  
Would you mind? Would you think I'm insane?

Would you.

_/ **Love me**/_

Can you love me?

Somehow, when I look at you, I don't think I want an answer.

And today, we are standing on the courts; you are standing tall, your eyes, unflinching.

But as I stand before you, I'm.

_/ **Lost**. /_

For a moment there I really don't know what to do. Everyone is making so much noise, you are as perfect as ever. And it has come to this.

And I…….. am slipping.

But I hear someone's voice. Eiji? Maybe.

And I pull myself together.

_/ Because there is **no** turning back. /_

Also, because I don't want to disappoint you, not this time, not again.

I want to play without any regrets as well.

_/ And **play** we did. /_

I gave it everything. I gave it all I had got.

This time I didn't run away, I didn't even try.

And when everything was said and done, truthfully, I felt.

_/ **Miserable**. /_

Completely defeated.

But it was still okay.

Do you know, why, Tezuka? Because.

_/ **You** were there. /_

And you actually slung an arm around my shoulders; it was almost like you were holding me.  
I do not know whether you were intending to, but you did comfort me after all. And just for a moment, I was sure I saw a smile on your face.

And when we were alone later, and I closed the distance between our lips.

_/ You actually **kissed me back**. /_

I still don't quite remember what possessed me to do such a thing. Maybe I wanted to bring a conclusion to everything.

And I didn't even get the time to express shock or surprise at this unexpected outcome – I was too busy losing to you once again; losing myself, off the courts, to the feel of your lips on mine as you kissed me, slowly, softly, repeatedly, with a tenderness no one could possibly imagine you possessed.  
Our eyes were closed, our lips thirsting for each other, even as your palms cupped my face and I wrapped my own hands around the nape of your neck, your skin, warm to touch; I pulled you close, even as you backed me in a corner, allowing you to taste me, discovering you…. as I drowned in a paradise only you could show me.

That's right, even when our lungs burned for oxygen, we kissed, and we kissed some more.

_/ As if our** lives **depended on it. /_

And when I asked you to love me - you said you already did.

And tomorrow brought in a much brighter day.

* * *

**A/N: **reviews loved, so if you liked it, do tell me! hope the writing style was not too confusing. 


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